Beer, crocodiles, and other hazards of writing

May. 3, 2022

Beer & Crocodiles Don't Mix

While researching for The Book of Invasions, I learned that pre-dynastic Egyptians loved their beer. This alone could explain why people--particularly from Wisconsin--hold ancient Egyptian culture in such awe. Whether noble or peasant, Egyptians enjoyed beer in significant quantities. Here's the basic recipe:

Take a jug full of water. Put chunks of bread into it. Let it sit for a long time. Beer.

Over time, the mixture would ferment, producing alcohol and all sorts of healthy bacteria that was an essential part of the Egyptian diet. Plus, just like beer today, it had the added effect, if you consumed a significant quantity, of convincing you that you could swim faster than that big crocodile over there.

You cannot.

Humans have a long history of believing that, if they have consumed significant quantities of beer, they are protected from anything. This is despite the equally long history of tragic evidence to the contrary. There's actually a YouTube channel called "Stupid Things I've Done While Drunk." I'm guessing the owner hasn't tried croc racing. Yet.

I was going to finish this blog entry by advising using a boat when racing crocodiles until I stumbled upon an article (in my research; see? It's fun!) about a huge croc that bit a hole in a boat. So I will alter my advice. Share your beer with the croc. It's your only chance. If he consumes enough, he may make bad decisions, too.